Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
