Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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