im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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