Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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