We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
