I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
