That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
