I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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