she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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