dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
