I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
