I love black thongs
Don't make out with my wife yet
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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