alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
