The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
