i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
