I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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