thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
