He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
