Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
