What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
