this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Rumble strips road head = magical
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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