My cat gives me a boner
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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