im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
