im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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