Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
