are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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