On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
