I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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