just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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