Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
