You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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