FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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