After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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