...so i touched it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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