In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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