The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
