She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
