Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
