just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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