Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
