I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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