the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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