I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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