Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
