Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
