I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
