I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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