If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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