If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
