Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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