Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
