I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Farmville is her only friend.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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