operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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