i just wanna soil my oats bro
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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