I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
