just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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