he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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