we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
