me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
