So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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