dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
