You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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