It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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