is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
