did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
