My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
