At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You can't motorboat a personality
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
