i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize