Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
