I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
