Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
