Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
