Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
