Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
