I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
