oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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