So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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