and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
