Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
