My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
