two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
