the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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