...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize